Claude in a Box
by TreasuredNightmare
Summary: this is a bit of pure CRACK that came to me after watching the current eppisode of Kuro2  epp 8 to be specific  so this is basicaly my re-writen version of the ending to that particular episode  the title gives away the heart of it xD


**Okay so, this is bacicaly my re-writen ending to episode 8 of kuro2. Claudes actions had greatly discruntled me and my inner fangirl came out~! mwahahahahahhaaaaa~**

**WARNING: this is CRACK! its a tiny bit OOC and it does have an OC (its me, basicaly, but oh well! xD ) **

**DISCLAIMER: i do NOT nor will i EVER own KUROSHITSUJI. -cries- why must the world be so cruel..? WHY?**

Claude in a box

There was no exact way to describe the turmoil in my heart and brain at that particular moment as I watched Claude gently hold young Alois's head in his hands, stroking it with gloved digits before plunging those same gentle fingers heartlessly into the weeping boys' skull. Just like that.

"Oh hell no." I whispered to the screen I was viewing the atrocity on. Unforgivable. An almost supernatural rage overtook my body and pooled into my stomach: It was the rage of a fan-girl. I had to find the scene of the crime and confront the demon butler.

I had no intention of letting this go unpunished.

Soon enough I was on my way to London where I would most defiantly find the group of hateful people—minus Grell, of course—and have Claude right his wrong. Now, I did realize the time difference from the states and England, not to mention the time period, so I decided to take the TSB, which is to say 'Time Steam Boat' and set its destination accordantly for the moment that the horrible atrocity had occurred. As much as I wanted to confront him, I had to make a quick pit-stop for something much needed. There was only one known place on the streets of London that I could get exactly what I wanted.

"Undertaker," I said, opening the door to the Shinigami's shop and peering around the room before taking a slightly hesitant step inside. I found him with his back turned to me and his form bent over a long, rectangular box that was big enough for a grown human to lie inside: a coffin. Had I been here on any other normal circumstance, I would have hugged him and praised him for his awesomeness, but I was here on business and had to restrain my fan-girlish urges.

"Hello, little girl~" he said, glancing behind him before tending to whomever was in the box. It looked as if I caught him during his work. No matter.

"Hello, Mr. Undertaker." I greeted him, curtsying slightly. He waved his hand at me, dismissively.

"No need for formalities," He told me, grinning ear to ear. "Just tell me why you're here~ hmm?"

"I'm in need of a makeshift wooden coffin." I stated, shifting my weight to the other leg before proceeding. "Preferably one with smallish spikes at the bottom?"

"Are you looking to punish someone, or are you just feeding a peculiar fetish?" he chortled. My eyebrows shot up and a look of honesty spread across my features.

"Punishment, I assure you." I said with a mischievous smirk.

Box in tow; I made my way to the sight where I knew I would find Claude and company. Then I _saw_ them all. Claude was examining the ring in which held Alois—or rather his soul—and the blood covered blonde corpse that lay on the ground in the shadow of a large tree. I walked closer until I was about five or six yards away and cleared my throat, earning his attention.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you!" I scolded, furiously. No need for formalities.

He cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry, can I help you?"

"Yes! Yes you can!" I pointed a finger at Alois's bloody body. "By fixing him and putting his soul back where it belongs!" he had the nerve to smirk at me.

"I apologize but I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Oh ho ho, I think you can!" I laughed, as I corrected him. "I adore little Alois too much for him to just _die._ And I will not let you have one moment of peace until you put him back in his body! And _until_ he is restored to his former glory, you will be stuck in this box that I bought just for you." To show I meant business, I wrenched the wooden lid from the box and pointed to its interior, indicating the sharp, erect nails. "Now, get in the box, Faustus."

He glanced down at the box, thoughtfully. "No."

"Do it NOW!" I barked the order.

"I don't want to," he said in a monotone voice while wearing a bored expression. Well there went plan A: time for plan B.

"Well then, I'm going to have to use force." I grinned haughtily as I pulled out a miniature laptop from my bag and began to type, speaking the words as I was writing them. "…And then the demon Claude Faustus surrendered and climbed inside the box, lying unmoving inside it…" he raised an eyebrow at me, questionably

"What is that going to do?" he let out a small, breathy laugh. But his amusement was cut off abruptly as he began walking towards the box with a wide-eyed shocked expression on his face. "W-what is this? What's happening to me?"

"That, Mr. Faustus, is the power of Fan Fiction!" I exclaimed as he climbed into the box and laid him down, panicking all the while. I laughed maniacally at the man as he unwillingly surrendered to me. With that, I picked up the lid and closed up the box, nailing it shut with silver nails.

"Really? You put me in a _coffin_ and sealed it with _silver nails_?" he scoffed, "are you confusing me with a vampire? Because I assure you I am most certainly _not_ a vampire." He sounded distressed. Good, let him suffer. I let out another evil laugh.

"I never mistook you for a vampire, Claude. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time." I said, shrugging and sitting on top of the box. We sat in silence for a long while so I began to twittle my thumbs and whistle the tune to 'twinkle twinkle little star.' Claude had begun tapping rhythmically on the wood as the minutes ticked by at a sluggish pace.

Claude sighed, "This is absurd," he grumbled. "When are you going to let me out?"

"When you return Alois to normal," I said, folding my arms across my chest. He signed again.

"That's going to be rather difficult to do inside this box." He told me. "If you let me out, ill fix him for you."

"No can do. How do I know you're not going to just flee the moment I open the box?" I accused. He grunted.

"Fine, I give you my word that I will not flee the moment you open the box and I promise to fix Alois." He paused for a moment. "Are you happy now?"

"Nope! You aren't fooling me; I know demons like to lie to get their way. I'm not that stupid, you know."

"You just admitted that you are stupid to a certain degree."

"…"

"…"

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

He banged his head on the lid of the box. "Never mind, forget it."

"That's what I thought." Another long moment passed before he spoke again. I resumed twittling my thumbs when he finally did.

"So, how am I supposed to fulfill your request if you refuse to let me out?"

"…"

"Well?"

"I am not sure. It appears that I had not thought this one through."

"Imbecile!" he said in a dark tone.

"You know what I don't understand," Grell's voice chimed in from almost nowhere. He walked out from behind a tree and stalked over to me. "Is why she doesn't simply write it in her 'fan fiction' that you fix the situation?"

I started up at him, eyes wide with shocked amazement. "Grell…"

"…?"

"You're a genius!" I exclaimed, launching myself off of the box and clinging on to his waist. He patted my back, awkwardly. I sniffed his close. "You smell like the number red." I told him, grinning contently.

"…"

"…"

"What?" I blinked, confused at the silence.

"Do I even need to say the many things wrong with that statement?" Claude spoke up.

"Nope!" I chirped.

"You can let go now," Grell said, patting my head. I forced back a blush and let go, taking a step back.

Now I needed to write things back how they should be. I grabbed my laptop and sat on the ground, typing Alois back to life. "…Suddenly, Claude broke open the container her was in and walked over to the boys' corpse. He pulled out the ruby ring and knelt beside him, placing the ring back onto his pinky finger, giving Alois his soul back and re-animating the corpse…"

As it was written, Claude carried out said actions and a suddenly lively Alois inhaled a sharp breath and opened his eyes.

_SMACK_

No one had expected that. Alois had struck Claude clear across the face; the sound still echoing through the trees.

"You beautiful bastard." He said suddenly before wrapping his arms around the elder of the two and kissing him passionately. Claude, utterly shocked, did nothing but stay frozen in the child's grasp as Alois almost violently made out with the demon. Eventually the demon unfroze and started to participate. Grell and I started to fidget in the complete awkwardness of the moment.

Starting to get jealous, I pointed at the couple and looked over at Grell, "Can we..?"

"I don't think so." He said quietly with a small shake of his head. I frowned at the rejection. He gave me a sympathetic look. "Sorry darling, but after what happened with Madame Red, I haven't been able to be attracted to women." He explained. I looked down at my toes, still pouting to myself.

"How bout just a hug?" I asked with a small twinkle of hope. He perked up.

"Fine by me!"

"Yay!" I exclaimed excitedly, rushing over and enveloping the red-headed reaper into a tight embrace. He hugged me back and we cuddled together while Claude and Alois continued with their make out session.

Someone cleared their throat and snapped Grell and me out of our happy place. We looked over to where the noise came from at the same time and saw that it was Claude holding a very drunkenly happy Alois in his arms: his body no longer broken and bloody and the eye that Hanna had dug out had been replaced and fully functional. The disturbing part of this picture was the obvious bulge in both of their pants.

"Excuse us," Claude said in a calm tone. "But we will be taking our leave now."

"Hurry up, Claude~" Alois moaned with inpatients and, well, other reasons. "I can't wait much longer; it huuurrtttss~" he panted. Claude gave a slight parting bow and walked hurriedly in the direction of the Trancy estate. His back was covered in bloody holes from the spikes.

"Oh," Claude said, pausing in mid-stride. "We'll be taking the box with us."

Alois purred, "Oh you beast!"

That begin said, the demon put the lid back on the box, picked it up, and took their leave. The shinigami and I exchanged a look before shrugging and re-wrapping ourselves in another snuggly embrace. We stayed this way for a long moment.

"So…can we..?"

"Most defiantly not."

**Hope you enjoyed this bit of crack xD please review *puppy eyes* **


End file.
